Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
