we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
