We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
