i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
