I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i wish my penis had a tongue
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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