I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
