Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
