So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
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