i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Randomize
