I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
