Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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