she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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