Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
