I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
