long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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