It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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