I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
