Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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