made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize