Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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