i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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