He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
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