Jerry, you need to find god
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
