I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
it was like his penis was on wheels.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
