The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
