dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
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Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
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Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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