If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize