"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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