HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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