My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
