i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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