Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
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