new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
