mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
