I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
He shit in the fireplace
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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