I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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