just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
