my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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