So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
