I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
