You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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