eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
