tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Randomize