No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
