I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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