I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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