I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Randomize
