Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
