I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
