I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Still dying that you shit outside
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
