Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
just tell him i said nine months
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I have fence marks all over my body
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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