Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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