**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize
