Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
But theres a keg here and me gusta
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
