so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
