Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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