am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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