There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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