Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
