Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
