I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
