why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
