We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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