Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
