Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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