I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Randomize
